jimagain

Rants & ramblings of the disaffected

Men Are Like Sheep

The worst thing you can do to a guy is to give him too many choices. We just get confused! After being told what we can’t do for the first 18 years of our impressionable young lives, we’re just not good at making decisions. That’s why men don’t own 38 pairs of shoes, we just have one…it eliminates stress and keeps things simple for us. Women just like to complicate things. Take colors, for instance. Men, we just have red, blue,  green, yellow, brown, etc. But women? What is ‘mauve’ or ‘chartreuse’?

The other day I went to check out at the grocery store and both lanes at the register were open. Oh, no! I was faced with a choice! What made it so complicated was the fact that both cashiers were women. Suddenly I’m faced with a dilemma. Which lane do I take? If it were guys at the register it’d be no problem. But women?!! What if I pick the wrong lane? Maybe the girl I didn’t pick would take it personal and get really offended. Maybe she’d get angry at me for me picking the other aisle?

Oh, I’m not good enough for you, am I? What is it, you don’t like my shoes?” So she runs out to the mall and buys twelve more pair!”

But men…were like sheep. We are so used to being herded into what we’re supposed to do; we can’t function without someone telling us what to do and how to do it. I blame that on my mother, who was also coincidentally a women. She used to tell me what to do all the time. When I went to school, most of my teachers were women and they ruled with an iron fist. Most fell somewhere between a benevolent dictator to iron-fisted tyrants. I didn’t have a male teacher until the 7th grade…but by that time it had already been indelibly ingrained on my impressionable mind that WOMEN RULED THE UNIVERSE!

That was bad enough but then came …girls! Shudder! I was totally unprepared to deal with the female psyche. Boys like to ‘tinker’ with things…take ‘em apart and put them back together. Girls are different, they like to ‘tinker’ with your ‘thinker’. They enjoy messing with your mind. Boys like dogs because we can understand them. We’re on the same level. Dogs are simple. But cats! Have you ever tried to tell a cat what to do? Cats don’t ‘fetch’ or anything else for that matter! Girls are more like cats …indifferent.

Then came married life! My wife gets mad at me because I don’t think like she does. Duh! I’m a guy. I think like a ‘guy’ because I ‘R’ one. Some may object to using the words ‘guy’ and ‘think’ in the same sentence, they say it’s a contradiction of terms. Me? I don’t know.  The more I think about it, the more confused I get.

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4 thoughts on “Men Are Like Sheep

  1. Hahahahaa! Oh! You just made me chuckle! Men are not mind readers at that is an important lesson for all woman. I find if I just club my husband over the head every now and then he gets the message :O

    • Thanks Belle! Having been clubbed over the head repeatedly myself, I am now able to communicate with my wife by using an exxagerated series of hand gestures accomapanied by monosyllabic grunts. Dianne Fossey was able to communicate with the apes having previously attempted to conversate with her husband. Though not as intelligent, husbands are capable of learning as long as you periodically lower your expectations.

      Seriously, thank you so much for the comments! I hope my writing didn’t lower your literary expectations too much! I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future!

  2. It’s okay, Jim. Trust me, the cashiers won’t get mad at you. Really, they won’t. And some women don’t own 38 pairs of shoes in different colours. Some women own 38 pairs of shoes, all of them black. Get your wife to explain it to you… 🙂

  3. Thank you so much for your comments, Diane. I loved your reply! I am seriously jealous that I can’t come up with really cool titles like, Oh, Shift!

    I admit I’m probably trying to overthink their possible reaction at the cash register but years of marriage has made me skittish. … which is also probably why I’m skittish to ask my wife to explain it to me! and I am relatively certain my male brain is woefully inadequate of comprehending the nuances of the female mindset! This is usually reinforced every time I get my wife to explain something to me. This, of course, has nothing to do with me being incredibly dense, or insecure, …or basically being a big weenie!

    But, thanks to you, the next time I’m confronted with a similar delimna I’m going to man up and make a decision!

    Thank you again, Diane !

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