Rants & ramblings of the disaffected

Archive for the month “October, 2011”

Washington Shaken: Joe Biden Speaks

News Release: Politician Tells Truth! Panic grips Washington D.C. Media outlets confused! Damage control is furiously underway. In an unrelated news release, the White House announced today that the Veep has been dispatched on urgent business to a far-away remote location with no media outlets or modes of communication. My sources add, “…not heard from until a-f-t-e-r November of 2012.”

So what happened?!!

In a recent radio interview, The Veep has reportedly stated that it is no longer relevant to blame the previous administration for the state of the economy, hinting that at some point the current administration must take responsibility. After three years of laying the blame at the feet of the previous administration, the magnitude of that statement is earth-shaking. Admittedly, it’s not the kind of admission you would expect to hear going into the 2012 election. This makes the second time in as little as thirty days that Washington has been shaken since the magnitude 5.9 quake registered on the Richter Scale in late August. Tremors are believed to be primarily associated with news outlets and politicians shaking in their shoes from the repercussions. Rumor has it, Hollywood executives are busy filming the new disaster epic, Earth-quake II, The Sequel.

Bravo Joe! A politician that will stand up and take responsibility? Am I still on the same planet? Did I wake up this morning in some sort of weird parallel dimension? Surely he had to know what he was saying? Joe, what were you thinking?!! Analysts debate; was this a gaffe or did the VP suspect his admission would cause waves inside his own inner circle? Now if he and the rest of the Beltway Truth-evaders would continue this trend, maybe the politicians can accomplish something that resembles real government. His Boss could learn something from this guy! My minuscule respect for the President is going to seriously tank if he even so much as hints at rebuffing The Veep for his candor. The rest of the system on both sides could learn something from Joe. Then maybe they could represent the electorate instead of posturing for re-election!

Imagine…politicians that tell the truth?!! I suddenly realized how Will Rogers got his inspiration for humor by reading about…politics. This stuff is just too funny to make up. So here I go….

Speculation runs amok. There has been a tear reported in the fabric of the universe resulting in strange anomalies, isolated incidents, and other unexplained aberrations’. Scientists are working to restore the ‘normal’ workings of the world as we know it. Officials tell us to please disregard any strange occurrences and resume normal activities. “Do not attempt to think on your own. Please tune in to your regular news outlets to learn what we are supposed to think. This has been a Public Service Announcement. We now return you to your normally scheduled broadcast day.”

Headlines pour in from all over the world. We read…

Newsflash: Heavy snowfall in Hades today, temperatures plummeting. Ice on the lake of fire! Devil baffled!!! Global warming is blamed. Meanwhile on earth; Politician tells truth! (Headlines today from the Netherworld News)

Meanwhile back at the White House; The ‘Joe-handlers’ are called on the carpet; Inside sources say it went something like this;

“I thought it was your turn to watch Joe…”.

“Me??? I thought it was yours!”

The O-staffers; suspiciously looking like Larry, Moe, and Curly are bickering; “I told you we should have brought in a ventriloquist to be the spokes-dummy for him!”

The other staffer pokes first staffer in the eye…”You’re the dummy, dummy!”

“Yeow! Oh, wise guy, are you?!!” …whacks the first staffer in the head with the ventriloquist dummy.

Third staffer smacks both associates simultaneously…hard.”So ya’ think that’s funny? Do you?”

“Ouch,” they both holler!

“Stop it boys! We’re getting no where! So what do we do now?”

“Ooh, ooh! Let’s bring on the Men-In-Black. We gotta’ neuralize the electorate”

Pokes staffer in the eye! “Whatsa’ matter with you! You can’t neuralize the whole country! What a dummy!”

“Who you callin’ a ‘dummy’,  dummy?” …kicks other staffer. Erupts in slap-stick fighting.

Excuse me while the staff meeting disintegrates into a slug-fest. We close the doors as we quietly step out of the room. Pandemonium runs rampant as the melee escalates.

So Joe tells the truth and all the self-lobotomized fanatics go into an uproar? Note to disturbed party hacks: Do Not Panic. Joe will be ‘parroting’ the official approved party line after his inevitable trip to the woodshed. Wouldn’t you love to be a fly on the wall? “Bad Politician! Bad Joe! No more telling the truth! Now repeat after me…”

Washington cannot tell a lie, or is it…Washington cannot tell the truth?!! Or maybe they can’t tell the difference? Somebody must a’ chopped down a cherry tree again!

The unofficial word is that this was a secret government experiment to restore public confidence in elected officials. Please do not be disturbed; this is what elected leaders are supposed to do. “This was a test. We repeat, this was only a test…we now return you back to your normally dysfunctional government.”

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